Once that youve decided on a killing
First you make a stone of your heart
And if you find that your hands are still willing
Then you can turn a murder into art

There really isnt any need for bloodshed
You just do it with a little more finesse
If you can slip a tablet into someones coffee
Then it avoids an awful lot of mess

Its murder by numbers, one, two, three
Its as easy to learn as your abc's
Murder by numbers, one, two, three
Its as easy to learn as your abc's

Now if you have a taste for this experience
And youre flushed with your very first success
Then you must try a twosome or a threesome
And youll find your conscience bothers you much less

Because murder is like anything you take to
Its a habit-forming need for more and more
You can bump off every member of your family
And anybody else you find a bore

Because its murder by numbers, one, two, three
Its as easy to learn as your abc's
Murder by numbers, one, two, three
Its as easy to learn as your abc's

Now you can join the ranks of the illustrious
In historys great dark hall of fame
All our greatest killers were industrious
At least the ones that we all know by name

But you can reach the top of your profession
If you become the leader of the land
For murder is the sport of the elected
And you dont need to lift a finger of your hand

Because its murder by numbers, one, two, three
Its as easy to learn as your abc
Murder by numbers, one, two, three
Its as easy to learn as your a, b, c, d, e.....